Frustration & Unconditional Love

It  has been a frustrating week for me; not bad, just frustrating. The main reason for the frustration has been X's behavior. Over the past year, his behavior has changed quite a bit and not for the better. He's began acting out violently a lot and it's becoming a large problem at daycre; hitting, pinching, biting, throwing things, etc. Now he's had a lot of changes in his life in the past year and I know it has been tough on him, and i feel guilty for that. But, i also have tried my best. There were points in time where everyday was revolved around mental survival and getting back on my feet and as much as i tried to shelter him from the pain and instability i felt inside, i know i couldn't indefinitely. Yet things have settled down considerably in the past 6 months and yet he still seems to be struggling. He has started doing a lot better at home, but he still seems to be struggling at daycare. He seems to be taking out some inner frustration and turmoil violently, and i feel like nothing i do helps much. He's so very similar to me and also very sensitive to my emotions; he has been ever since he was born. If i was a mess, so was he and that hasn't changed. He also is so very smart, sensitive, and active; if he's not mentally stimulated or on the move, he becomes frustrated. I love him more then words, but this part of his personality can become very draining. He also is content when he's scheduled and knows what to expect, very much like me. But of course, his father refuses to keep him on any similar schedule the few times  a week he actually sees him. And this throws X into a tailspin for days and it's so very frustrating and unfair for everyone, especially X.

I'm just at a loss as to what else to do to help him. His father is selfish and refuses to change his ways, even if it's in X's best interest. So, i rack my brain everyday to figure out what more i can do to help my son cope with life as it is now and transitioning from 2 different worlds. It breaks my heart that he is struggling so much and there are days I wish i could peek into his little head so i could understand more of what he's dealing with. I talk to him everyday and try to explain to him why he can't act this way and the consequences and how it hurts others, but he just doesn't seem to be receptive. Even though he's only 3, my worst fear is that he will turn into his father...

It's so very hard to be a parent and love your child so much; you want to teach them and allow them to understand and cope with things that come up, but the other part of you wants to protect them from all that can hurt them in the world. And it's a constant struggle to make the choices that are in their best interest. But at the end of each day, i do my best to make sure he knows that no matter how much i may be frustrated with his behavior, i love him unconditionally no matter what. Every night when i tuck him into bed, i hope that he knows that and always remembers it.