Mother's Day

While I have wanted to start blogging for awhile, I finally took the time this morning to set this all up and I'm glad I did. I love the fact that I am able to make my first post on Mother's Day. Being a mother has brought me more joy then I ever thought possible. It has also brought me the deepest guilt. Before someone takes that statement wrong, let me say that I love being a mom more then words; it is one of my greatest accomplishments. But, in my life as a single mother over the past year, motherhood has also brought on guilt. Guilt that my son will never grow up in the family that I had planned for him. Guilt that I can never give him all the things that a 2 parent household could give him. Guilt that his father does not and will not make him a priority in his life. Guilt that I am often so tired that I can't always spend the quality time with him that I want to. I could go on and on...but that isn't my point.

On this Mother's Day, I woke up a little down in the dumps. But now, at the end of the day, my heart is full and smiling. I see that though I am not perfect, I am here and always have been and everyday i try my hardest. Above everything else, I am a mom and will always do what is best for my son above all else. I can lie my head down at night and let go of the guilt, because I have stayed true to myself through the toughest year of my life. And, I am a better mother because of it.

My boyfriend, Dave, came over for a few hours this evening and we took Xander to the local diner for dinner. The highlight of my evening was the 3 of us walking home and swinging Xander between us. This simple thing warmed my heart. Through all of the pain, struggles, and heartache of the past year...I am here now. I am truly happy and I am truly loved. The future is bright and though things are still tough and I still have rough days, I wouldnt change a thing.

Happy Mother's Day!